#InstaGrammer

I love Instagram.  Who doesn’t? I know when I had my Android phone watching all those damn smug iPhonies posting pictures willey nilley looking like it was 1975 again, I was jealous.  Then Facebook bought them and they moved to the Android Platform.  #Awesomesauce, I was in the club.

One of the great things is that, for now, you can share on Twitter.  Thus, #hashtag craziness ensued and the Instagram platform itself began recognizing and allowing searchable hashtags.  #Ifreakinglovehashtags !

I would look at pictures of clouds and see things like #Clouds #unfiltered #cloudporn #skygasm.  I would look at pictures of food (of course) and see tags like #foodie #foodgasm #foodporn.

I began to think, Porn is really big on Instagram.  But not in the way you think, in fact, that kind of #porn can get you grounded like a bad child at my house.  But porn in itself is an expression of sexy lustiness and yes, I have felt that same feeling about food.  Now I could take pictures of food and call it porn, and nobody would judge!

I started taking pictures of my #paleo recipes with tags like #foodporn #fitporn #paleoporn.  I got like after like after like.  PEOPLE LOVE #PORN!!!  I felt I was becoming a god on Instagram.  What?  Why not, #GODPORN is born.  You throw the word porn into your tag mix and people flock.  But be warned, you will get so many pictures of douchebag 20 year olds showing their iPhone skills and abs by taking pictures of their toned tummies in their mom’s bathroom mirror. These gonzo’s have surely never heard of #pizzaporn.

 I was awash in the Instagram porn phase, I was snapping pictures of my food, the clouds, and my family tagging the shit out of all of it and then it happened.  I caught myself before it was too late thank #god, but it was on the front of my brain and I almost saw nothing wrong with this Instagram post:

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“My sweet angel sleeping #love #babylove #babyporn #dadgasm”

WOW!  I was too much into #porn on Instagram that I almost turned my four month out.  What a bad father.  But, I am reborn and watching how much #porn I actually use now online.

 My message to you people, watch your #InstaGrammer and keep #porn where it should be, on food and the clouds.

 #mahalo

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