Dark Secrets of a Wanna-Be Executive (aka creepy corporate culture)

An honest life is a hard life to live; that is a piece of what my 40 while 40 is about – really discovering the man I am and the man I am still to be.  But it is also about having fun, a lot of fun growing with my family and my friends and myself.  It is very hard to be honest with yourself.  I think it is actually easier to be honest with others, unless of course they are asking about you.

You like?

You like?

“Doing great, thanks!”
“We are all good!”
“Out of sight!”I probably said each of those once over the last week, the last one is a little weird, I agree.  Stuff it, I said it and I probably thought I meant it.  But the truth is, no, I am probably NOT at 100%.  I do not see myself the way other see me. I cannot for some reason, but I am trying.  And that is my week one item I like about myself.  I like that I can always try to be a best version of myself, and try to see myself the way others do.  I may not always show it, but I do; and often I like what they see. Sometimes, I see the truth of what they see and it inspires me.

Back to honesty, I had gone into this week with the utter intention of working out 7 days this week, working on the walking, moving toward running, etc. But the truth of the matter is that I have had one mediocre workout as it got interrupted by two of the beautiful girls in my life.  I REALLY need to get into the gym; for my health, love and family as well as my own enjoyment of riding the bike and lifting the weights.

Left, their idea of yoga; right, what it looks like for me (hell, I wish I was that flexible)

Left, their idea of yoga; right, what it looks like for me (hell, I wish I was that flexible)

There is a darker side too, to the weight loss.  I work in a corporate culture that rewards folks that are more fit.  I look at the executives at my company and for right or wrong, those that are “going somewhere” within company are runners, cyclists, athletes all.  I am regaled with stories of seeing the CEO at hot yoga (hey, for me, any yoga is hot and sweaty), or the AVP in Human Resources that is running the half marathon and so on. It is painfully obvious what I need to do to get ahead at work.  Fuck the fact that I have basically taught myself Business Intelligence Applications development, SQL Server and SRSS while employed and underpaid there, now I got to lose 140 pounds too.

**DISCLAIMER – I work for a great company, with great people under me, peers and leadership; I am fortunate to have great mentors and friends there, I just hate the fact that is sometimes is surface over substance in some views.  The company itself is a caring, community minded leader on the cutting edge of what or mission, vision and values are, and am proud of the work I do and for who, truly I am.  I also  know who reads my blog **Truly, I need to lose the weight anyway, but I digress.  Pardon my venting.

Basically then week one of 40 while 40 saw some highs and lows, I went and got the photo of myself at valley of Fire like I wanted and posted last time, so I can cross that off my list.  I wrote a couple of thank you notes to some colleagues. That made me feel good, to foster a thankful attitude.  I also wrote the rough draft of the letter to bio dad.  So yes, I did not work out, but I can cross three things off and am on track with two others.

What to do now?  I am headed to the gym with my wife who was just Freshly Pressed (awesome, baby!) where I will put in some work on the bike and some abs.  Then a steam.  This week, I plan on really focusing on getting back into the gym and getting ready for a couple of events that fall on the same day 35 days from today.  My mid-week blog will be about the events, hold your breath.

Thanks for stopping by.

FACTS Week One:
Weight: 345
Letters / Thank Yous written:  3
Gym Visits: .75
Items crossed of 40 while 4 list to date:  1
Days without SmartPhone:  11

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One for One

 I made a promise, like Tara Costa, yesterday for every like on my FB status by midnight, I was going to run, hike, bike, swim or walk one mile in the name of that person or someone they designate.  In my foolish mind, I saw this status getting shared and people liking it to the point that maybe a few hundred people liked it and boy was I going to be in trouble.

Yes, at 39.75 years old, I am still naive enough to think that people give a damn about what I do or think.  Hence the blog and my continued exhaustive use of Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to promote what I am eating, visiting or my baby.  I cannot commit to a blog post daily, like my blog friend ELISARIVA who just posted 366 posts for one each day of 2012; I am just not that interesting and I know it, but I digress; I DID expect more likes to that status than I got.  Want to guess?

Eleven

Eleven likes.  BUT, here is the amazing thing about it.  You really learn about the people who truly care.  About the people who take more than a moment to appreciate the things in life that are important to you. I am not saying my other 165 FB friends don’t care, they are busy with their own things.  But these 11 folks have moved me beyond what I thought one hundred likes would have inspired me to do.

Therefore, instead of running a mile for my friend Mike, for example, I am dedicating a whole workout event to these eleven people one at a time.  A workout that means something to me.

My friend, my wife, my pain in the ass

My friend, my wife, my pain in the ass

So, without further ado, my first workout of 2013 is dedicated to Amanda, of course.  To most, this workout was nothing more than a 35 minutebike ride in the gym, not very heroic. But to me it was much more than that.  It was a step, the step, in ensuring that the dreams Amanda and I have are going to happen.  I have not been to the gym consistently in more than 8 weeks, and have been eating poorly for triple that.  So for me to shake it off and get in and just get lost in the ride was a step I had to take.  Amanda has been there through many highs and lows with me already and has stood proudly by my side and loved me unconditionally.  I was worried about our marriage at first (right after we got engaged) and even about the wisdom of having a baby; but Amanda set her sails on she and I for the rest of our lives, and I owe it to her to do this for her and I.  because if I am not in the gym for me, I will not be there for her.  I love you baby, thank you for being my rock even when you feel like you are sitting on sand.  All other workouts are just footnotes, in reality, to this one.I have ten more people to thank and let know how much they inspire me, along the way, I will see the tops of mountains, eat dirt on a mountain bike, cross the finish line of a triathlon, and many other things both mundane and epic.  I will reach my goals this 2013 and you are welcome along.Thanks to Fitness19, Southern Fried Chicken in Vegas, and the Goddess for today’s workout