La La La La – Elmo’s World!

I don’t know what I offer with this blog except for a place that I a) vent, b) rant or c) list a lot of goals that I have not yet achieved. Kind of stuffy around here as far as content goes, eh? My wife is finding and becoming way more secure in her writing, and I am so happy for her and to see it, but dammit! I am the creative one, why do I not express myself well in this blog.

Actually, that is the note I ended up wanting to talk about. She posted a good post something about looking in your neighbors window and lusting after their spouse and stuff and shit, or something like that. Wait no, it was judging yourself based on the kind of car your neighbor drives, that is it. We shouldn’t do that was her point and that she had been trying to write for others, instead of herself.

Go get them babe! Make sure to tell them all of our dirty laundry. Literally, the pile that grows on my side of the bed.

OK, seriously now though. Too much we judge ourselves by others standards and it is not fair to us. I am totally guilty on all counts of this. Man, I have been to the top of the mountain, I have held the ring son. What do I mean? Settle in, I will tell you.

It’s like this. I had never been a confident young man. I am shy, and I have many neurosis. It blows my mind that people look to me as a leader professionally and personally. But that is another story; I am shy. I would rather curl up with a book than go out, anywhere. Then I got fat, then I got a divorce (you all have read this part over and over), then I lost a lot of weight and on the way I stopped giving a shit what people thought of me.

THAT was the magic that is missing in me right now. Not giving two shits about what people think. I am so mired right now in being the guy that lost a lot of weight and gained it back. Oh yeah, people are saying and thinking it. But what happened to my Fuck Them attitude? I was balls out losing the weight the first time; I’d show up for a dinner ‘date’ wearing the shorts, tee and sweatshirt I had just worked out in, carrying my back pack and bleeding from the fall I took cornering too fast, and I DID NOT GIVE A SHIT.

I am sure people looked and judged, they always do, that is why the marathon was attacked this week (a basic judgment by one over another), but I have lost and need to find that feeling; I need to rise above the masses, hold my middle finger to the world, and be Mike, the impossible modern day warrior. I have fucking goosebumps right now.

This mid-week check in is different than I wanted to go; but I have ti tell you, this week has been one big pile of horse shit and I am ready for the weekend. Yep, I am broke, but it doesn’t cost a damn thing to sit out in the sun with your beautiful wife, reading, going to the gym, and just thinking about your place in the world and the good you can do. Doesn’t cost a damn dime.

As I was saying, before I got all Ted Nugent, was that on a scale of 1 to 10, this week has ranked bullshit. I mean, the Boston Marathon is attacked, some major shit goes down at my work, The pres and some Senator are mailed ricin, and then a fertilizer plant blows up in Texas. What the fuck? And on top of it all, I’m broke. Shit man, the doobies broke up?

But I have had some joys this week, here they are:
Daugher 1 drew a couple pictures for me
Daughter 2 and I have a new game called scrunch the face and blow air outta your nose

Wife is regaining her smile and swagger

Son 3 has worked out at the gym twice with me this week.

I think, personally, the good outweigh the bad this week, and over the weekend, I am going to thank the Goddess and the God for being there, listening and loving.

Be blessed all, go do some good. And if you see sons 1 or 2, tell them to call pops.

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Random Thoughts of the Dork King

Weak as week 4

Weak as week 4

So, here it is, Week 4. Holla at yo boy for keeping up on a weekly blog; other than that, I am not tracking well. But I have a little secret I am going to share a little later in this blog. Let’s say it was an awakening moment, ok? OK. So, first, lets get to the numbers.

Weight:  Hovering around 348 still
Letters / Thank you’s written to date:  4
Gym Visits (PTD – Project To Date): 5.75 (stalled)
Items Crossed off of 40 while 40 list: 2
Days without Smartphone: 28 (more on that)

Alright, I am going to break out the numbers.  I have not been to the gym in a couple of weeks faithfully.  Excuses, excuses, excuses (my asthma, too tired, busy at work, my vagina hurts).  OK, the asthma thing may be the only truly viable option.  I mean, busy at work?   I go to 24 HOUR FITNESS, they are always open.   This is where the weight and gym to date visits fall off the radar.  I am on week four, which is 8% done with the entire project, but still ahead of the Zulu hour of week 10.  Week 1o is where the rubber hits the road so to say.

Leaving the physical behind, I had an amazing mental win.  Suffice it to say, Amanda and I have been in a rut for a few weeks months (I got her permission to talk about it); and it all centers on learned behavior.  My behavior has been out of character for me for some time.  I am going to get help for this.  Admittedly, there has been A LOT on my mind (how am I going to continue to make finances work?  Is Amanda going back to work?  Do I want to stay at Credit One?) and instead of bringing my partner in on some of this, I was just sucking it up, and letting it continue to get to me, and it wore me down to the point where I had become defensive, and snappy at home.  This is not the happy, healthy relationship either of us wanted – we spoke, and shared, and it is going to get better we both know.

The other side to this mental victory is that speaking with a few folks that have either worked with me or still do, I am inspired to change what I am becoming into becoming what I want.  I WANT to get back on the rock, I WANT to triathlon, I WANT to ride my bike to work.  Well, what is stopping me?  Only my own assitude folks, I am the only one in control of what I can and what I cannot do.  Me.  Mike.  So, what is Mike doing tomorrow evening with son #3?  Riding a bike and lifting weights at the gym peeps.

Let’s Talk Smartphone, I have my EVO back, so I can officially kill the calendar there.

I want to share briefly an amazing place only 40 minutes from my house, called Techatticup Ghost Town in El Dorado Canyon Nevada (between Lake Mead and Lake Mojave).  Pretty amazing place, an old desert mining town just pat Nelson, NV.  lot’s of old buildings, weathered and beaten by the sun.  And when i think old mining town, I think of old busses, bombers plowed into the ground and trucks.  OK, for some reason there are a lot of old mechanical pieces, mining and what have you, on display – so if you are into Ghost Towns being visited by pickers, this is the place for you.  Take a look at my gallery below, and when Amanda approves her “A” roll of film, I will link you over to it.

Finally, what is on tap this week:
1. Start the stop drinking soda of my 40 while 40
2. Write 3 thank you notes / letters
3.  4 visits (at least) to the gym
4. Finish my book
5. Give 110% at work to finish up a few projects before handing some stuff off.
6. Take the 5 week picture (no change, right?)

That is it for today amigo’s, I will talk to you mid-week.  Love and peace.