Just Plain Sick

I am a firm believer that there is a higher power out there. Maybe more than one. A lot of folks don’t know this about me, but almost ten years ago to the day, I had decided I wanted to be a Lutheran Pastor. I was going to go to parochial school, I started looking and planning on moving to Colorado where the nearest ELCA ministry college was. I was 29 and on the fast track with God; but then I stopped hearing his voice, then I stopped even listening. Then, even I stopped caring. That was ten years ago, and in that time, I have come to grips with that loss of faith and the empirical worship I have now. I follow a greener, more pagan fellowship with my God and Goddess now. And I am happy, if not a little lackadaisical in my worship. Remedy needed.

My point is not about religion and whether my God is better than your God (he kind of is, but later on that – Just kidding, same god, different belief structure). But my point is rather about hearing the voice of God or the Goddess. I believe you can hear or see or feel the power of that which is outside of you if you listen. I believe that every day we are getting messages from powers greater than ourselves, we just are not in tune with them.

So this week, when I have read or heard on NPR, three stories of men no older than 42 at my weight dying of heart failure, it grabbed my attention. By the balls.

Look, I procrastinate, I get caught up, I want and need and desire things right damned now. And sadly, I know that doesn’t work. Sometimes I pontificate just to pontificate because I like to read my own words. This is not one of those times. I have sucked the joy out of being a jolly fat guy, and am tired of people calling me big guy. But, not unlike 2010, I find it hard to just get off the couch.

Granted this week the typhoon that is a bad spring cold has run through our house but-raping everyone as it goes. So, I have a VIABLE reason not to work out the last three days, But what about the week before that, or before that, or….You get the point, right?

Amanda and I started the Henderson Lighten up determined to crush the competition, and the first week we totally did, that was 5 weeks ago, and I am now as heavy if not slightly heavier than when we started (my scale only goes to 335, and my reckoning, that puts me at 337-342).

I am going to start small, I have already realized that if I am going to lose this weight, I have to be realistic. I probably will not be a competitive triathlete by October, But 2013 can always be the year where I turned this shit around for good and got the fam involved and we lived healthier ever after right? Right. So I am going to start my goal off small. Our next weigh in for the Henderson Lighten Up is next Wednesday, I am determined to be able to read my own weight on my own scale, and then we can get a new goal right? Right.

I overheard another message this week, maybe not from a higher power, but maybe from all the Nike YouTube I have been watching, ‘Stop chasing your dream, go make your dream’ and I loved it.  Amanda asked me this week, which was the biggest motivation ever, if I was going to do the C25K training again, as she was thinking of joining me.  WOW!  How much of a message from your higher power is that?  Your spouse wants to run with you?  I always have excuses for not running again, but I am done with them.  After a couple weeks maintenance and to get my endurance where it needs to be, I am going to start this amazing program over again, with my wife!

Anyhoo, I don’t have much more to say than that.  I will post again next week, let you know about the weigh in, running plans and maybe talk about the difference between healthy porn obsession and unhealthy addiction.

Joe Cool Rocks the Westfront Auditorium this Saturday

I am pretty inconsistent in my writing and for that, I am just lame. I don’t even have a great excuse like I have school and work and family. I estimate there is about 2 hours of my day that I waste doing stuff like scratching myself, hanging out in bathroom stalls trying to get a few moments of privacy, or just staring at my PC that I could dedicate to blogging more. But if I write it, will they come?

What makes a blog magical? I have read some blogs that are fantastic, well written and put together well and I read them; even if the subject isn’t necessarily in my arena. Now, that being said, I know that I am more tempted to read new blogs based on searches of things I am interested in, so I have tried using tags that were specific to my blogs like porn, sex, babies, shirtless men and broad wired big data analytics but I still struggle to find my blog niche. Maybe if I just keep writing, I will get a narrative thread, get better at writing and finally break through. Maybe.

Or maybe someday my kids will find my blog and just think what a douche there dad was. Maybe.

In recent news, I am not now or in the near future moving to Utah. There is happiness and sadness about this. I can focus on the betterment of Mike now (spending more time with friends, making new friends, fitness, recipes, making beer and just all around becoming the dude you want to hang out with this summer). I miss my boys, but maybe the little shits should visit here?

Amanda and I are participating in the 12-week Henderson Lighten Up event, which is a free city sponsored weight loss and fitness awareness program. We are mid week two right now. Both of us had a great first week, Amanda would kill me if I posted her weight, but she tore it up and crushed a 2.36 % overall weight loss. Fucking amazing! She had thought that .75% would be a lot. Admittedly, it will get harder, but what a start. She is now at Zumba working off our cheat night of AYCE Sushi.

As for me, I came in at 2.26%. Way above the 1.25% I had guessed, but well below what I am capable of. I will take it more seriously and crush the next ten weeks. I have been watching Nike Commercials all morning, and reading my fitness blogs. I follow Power of Run, who truly inspired me to get over my fear of starting to run on her post here, go check it out, very worth the read.

That’s about it, I am writing a creative blog entry for next time called 25 Hour Fitness and the power of Combat Yoga, but I am still ironing it up and polishing it off.

Big props and shouts to my friends and those that inspired, motivated, or were just there for me this past 7 days. Mahalo and love to you all. Go find your greatness this week, I am getting ready to go ride a bike, talk to you soon.

#InstaGrammer

I love Instagram.  Who doesn’t? I know when I had my Android phone watching all those damn smug iPhonies posting pictures willey nilley looking like it was 1975 again, I was jealous.  Then Facebook bought them and they moved to the Android Platform.  #Awesomesauce, I was in the club.

One of the great things is that, for now, you can share on Twitter.  Thus, #hashtag craziness ensued and the Instagram platform itself began recognizing and allowing searchable hashtags.  #Ifreakinglovehashtags !

I would look at pictures of clouds and see things like #Clouds #unfiltered #cloudporn #skygasm.  I would look at pictures of food (of course) and see tags like #foodie #foodgasm #foodporn.

I began to think, Porn is really big on Instagram.  But not in the way you think, in fact, that kind of #porn can get you grounded like a bad child at my house.  But porn in itself is an expression of sexy lustiness and yes, I have felt that same feeling about food.  Now I could take pictures of food and call it porn, and nobody would judge!

I started taking pictures of my #paleo recipes with tags like #foodporn #fitporn #paleoporn.  I got like after like after like.  PEOPLE LOVE #PORN!!!  I felt I was becoming a god on Instagram.  What?  Why not, #GODPORN is born.  You throw the word porn into your tag mix and people flock.  But be warned, you will get so many pictures of douchebag 20 year olds showing their iPhone skills and abs by taking pictures of their toned tummies in their mom’s bathroom mirror. These gonzo’s have surely never heard of #pizzaporn.

 I was awash in the Instagram porn phase, I was snapping pictures of my food, the clouds, and my family tagging the shit out of all of it and then it happened.  I caught myself before it was too late thank #god, but it was on the front of my brain and I almost saw nothing wrong with this Instagram post:

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“My sweet angel sleeping #love #babylove #babyporn #dadgasm”

WOW!  I was too much into #porn on Instagram that I almost turned my four month out.  What a bad father.  But, I am reborn and watching how much #porn I actually use now online.

 My message to you people, watch your #InstaGrammer and keep #porn where it should be, on food and the clouds.

 #mahalo