La Verdad Amarga

The OG Heat Miser

This is an angry old man, bitter post. Something my boss would call a “Heat Miser” post.  What has my underwear all up in a bunch?  Two things, and they all relate to lies.  I love my firstborn boys, tremendously. Some day they will be older men, and understand where this comes from.  This anger is not directed at them, but about life in general and they are part of that.  As are you and I and all things.

I have fairly been abandoned by my two oldest.  It was expected from one, as all boys when they hit a certain age find romance, sex, love, sex, jobs, sex and sex and I was prepared, even though it was ill-timed.  The other, not so much.  My younger oldest has always been a little buddy (where his older brother has always been a good friend and son), as my younger has a sense of humor very similar to mine.  His abandonment of me stings in a way I was unprepared for.

I am angry that both of them have bought into their mothers lies and deceit and disillusionment and games she has played out against me for years.  I said it here, and she would (will) be reasonably taken aback when she reads it that for all the things wrong with us, she has been the greatest schemer, where I wore who I was on my sleeve.  And at some point, my boys have fallen into that trap.

I hope that when my boys become men, all that they can remember of their youth was a father who loved them dearly, though he had faults, and I tried to not to lead them astray or give in them a false sense of the world; and maybe that too is a failing.

Needless and reckless to say; and mom, I am sorry, I will not be wasting my limited resources coming back to a Salt Lake City, which has become a place I am not wanted by my main reason for coming each month, as it has just become a cruel reminder of the many ways I am not wanted there.  I will surely miss the greatness of the SL valley, and more importantly, the short times I got to see my boys, but in the planning of trips, I am continually told that there are plans, well sir, I am done planning.  When they are ready to see me again, I will run to them.  Until then, and I guess they are happy with it, a card for Christmas and their birthday is all that they want from me.

The second reason for my anger and probably less passive aggressive, is my lies to myself which I have discussed before.  I cannot continue living the lies I tell myself every day; that I am going to do this or that, I am going to be a triathlete, I am good at my job, I am happy.  I cannot be honest to myself and live that way, it goes against my greater sense of ethic.

The good news?  I can do something about it.  At least that I can solve, right?  Activity, Play, gym, healthy food choices, hiking, walking with my best friend, going to Lake Mead, going to the pool with the kids.  These things will allow the lie to fade and I will be left with the bitter truth.

I am just a man; a man faulted – no saint, a sinner, but doing the best he can, for those he loves.

Until next time, a more positive post, I assure you – just had to vent tonight.

Mike

Version 2-Paleo, Crossfit and Rain

Generals know that it is very difficult to gain back ground once it is lost.  I completely understand this comment. Welcome to my new and improved blog.  Yes, yes, we have heard it all before, Mike gets a wild hair up his ass, and re-invents something. Let’s all see if this will stick.

Back to my original point and to catch everyone up to speed.  Here is the last two and one-half years, hopefully in order:

Divorce, 375 pounds (or so), near suicidal, Alex moves in with me, become bike commuter, lose 75 pounds, meet best woman in the world, hike, hike some more, lose an additional 25 pounds, begin C25K, lose additional; 25 pounds, move in with best woman in the world, Alex moves back to Salt Lake City, plateau in weight loss at 250, get engaged, discover pregnant, change wedding plans, get married, have baby, realize I had gained back 40 pounds, commit to losing, realize gained back 10 more pounds, get told by two very important people (my tattoo artist/friend and the best woman in the world) in two different ways not to give up, decide to talk less about what I want to do and do more, realize I had hit 316.6 pounds again.  August 1st comes

Phew, all of that in two and one-half to three years.  It has been a whirlwind and I am excited.  August 1st I made the decision that I was still in charge and if I truly wanted to run triathlon, I needed to do something drastic, so Amanda and I decided to eat cleanly, 90% of the time, following the Paleo method of eating AND recommitting to my fitness obsession.  It has been working, since August 1st, I have lost 18 pounds on the dot.  Yes, a lot of that was the dreaded “bloat” weight, but it is staying off and that is cool.  That is where I am today.

I am hoping this blog, instead of being about my bucket list or my want to do, it is going to become about the things I DID and how I got there.  There is a difference.  I WILL talk about goals and planning, but more about the journey now as opposed to the ideas.  I can’t be the worst blogger I know any longer, I am too fucking creative.  I have also been inspired by two other bloggers, RunningForDummies and PetiteAthleat.  These ladies are pretty amazing in their own way, so go check out their blog.  Of course, I can’t be a total ass and shout out for two blogs by women without giving mad props to my own wife’s blog, about her own journey (of a different nature, more ho to housewife than a road to Kona), SouthernFriedinVegas.  She is hilarious, go check her out.  Just click there.

One of the first things I am doing, is ensuring that at my 24 Hour Fitness, I am attending Group X Body Pump classes, so that will start this week, watch for a blog on that.  The other thing, and this is very strange indeed for me, is that I am thinking about trying some Crossfit.  I know, right?  Those that know me, know I have a burning goofy and unfounded vitriol for these folks.  The NASCAR of the fitness world; but, Crossfit of Henderson is opening soon just down the road from me, and I drive by it daily. I am trying to get an opportunity to use it for a few weeks just to see what this Crossfit is, from the inside!  It is hard not to look for Paleo recipes and not be inundated with Crossfitters and their socks and their WOD and their “Hurts so good”.  I called them the NASCAR of fitness, but they are more the Tony Robbins of fitness.  I have dogged on them, maybe out of jealousy (?), so I decided I need to see what is to it.  I weigh 298, so I may die.  Truly, I am a little bit afraid of this workout, but I am told

Don’t worry Mike, Crossfit is Scalable”

 Um, OK?  Is that supposed to make me feel better?  How about you promise me I won’t die or you won’t kill me and we both win.

If you look close, you can see the ACTUAL streaks of rain

It is a rainy day here in Henderson, I am at home sick, so I baked.  My biggest problem with Paleo is baking, especially Pancakes, more on that in another post, so I decided to make some Paleo cookies, using a very basic recipe that I modified.  Below is that recipe.  The cookie was amazing.  Debbie Fields or that Famous Amos guy have no worries, but for the first time, I have found a Paleo baking recipe I can sink my teeth into, literally.  The recipe I modified called for a lot of grapeseed oil, so next time I may cut that back.  These end up being about 90 calories, and make about two and one-half dozen, they are pretty damn good though, even with the higher than I would like calorie (for such a small cookie).  For someone new to Paleo, you have to learn right away that this is not a low-calorie fad, it is a way of living that is rough, but you feel so good.  And things like these cookies make it a touch easier.

PALEO DARK CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES

MMMM, can you smell them?

2 ½ C Almond Flour (meal)
½ t Baking Powder
½ t Sea Salt
1 Cup Dark Chocolate (or carob) chips
3T Powdered Peanut Butter (there will be a whole blog post about this; I use “Just Great Stuff” Brand)
1T Vanilla
½ C GrapeSeed Oil
½ C Agave Maple Syrup

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line a cookie sheet with wax paper or parchment.  Mix the dry ingredients in a big bowl, the wet ingredients in a smaller bowl.  Just use a fork, no need for the blender on this, Almond Meal doesn’t bunch up like flour.  Combine the wet into the dry.  And reach into the bowl with your clean hands and grab about 2T worth of dough, it will be a touch oily and seem wet, but its cool, you are looking for a wad of dough about the size just smaller than a ping pong ball.  Drop it onto the cookie sheet and either flatten a little or not (they don’t seem to fall like a traditional cookie while cooking, so smash them if you like thin and crispy).  Pop them into the oven for no more than 7-8 minutes tops. Set out to cool and then eat, enjoy.  The kids will love these too. Have a couple with a banana and you have a great power snack for a rainy day.

Thanks for coming by, follow me on Twitter at 360nomore or email at 360nomore@gmail.com